My grandfather has this amazing dry sense of humor. I figure you might giggle at what he sent me.
AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling Water down
your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the
sink.
4 . For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a
timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will
be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't
move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.
1 comment:
What follows is a series of reply-all’s to this post:
You forgot the hammer to go with the WD-40. Sometimes WD-40 needs a little help. Not my comment, Dave's observation.
Dale
Sometimes what you try to hold down with the duct tape needs help from the hammer too.
Kyle
A hammer can fix anything, whether it’s broken or not. If it doesn’t, just get a bigger hammer. If you don’t believe me, just ask a mechanical engineer.
Randy
Don’t be telling all our secrets.
Kyle
Hmmm… sounds like we need a little practice playing well with others.
Fred
You mean we need more duct tape?
Eric
Eric, you speak truth.
Now shut up and hold still so I can get this tape over your mouth.
Kyle
Hope you got the extra-wide tape. It DOES come in 4-inch width and even larger if you get him really exercised…
Fred
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