Letting Go

This has been a week of letting go. I am taking a year off to be home with the baby. That means I had to figure out what to do with all of my teaching stuff. There isn't space in our apartment for much of it. What to do, OH WHAT TO DO!?!? This question pained me for weeks. I got the official blessing from my principal that I could store things there. On Monday, I found out that my room could be a 4th grade room, or it could be the RSP/Reading Lab. I had to clean up totally differently depending upon which it was going to be.

The night before the last day of school was simply agonizing. I couldn't sleep, and it wasn't just because I'm 7 months pregnant. I was consumed with worry. Do I keep or give away stuff? How much do I keep? What do I keep? Is God even going to call me back to my school? After tossing and turning for what seemed like ages, I got up at 1 am to journal. I poured out my concerns to God about school and other things for an hour. As I moved from my fears about school to praying for others, my body finally began to relaxed. This is a very good thing. My daughter wasn't too happy that I was anxious. She was uncomfortable solid as a rock. I realized I'd been breathing in shallowly. By the time I was done praying, I was breathing deeper. As my body relaxed, so did my daughter. The answer from God was to let it go. Over and over I was gently nudged to let it go.

I found out at 12:30 pm on Tuesday that my room would be RSP/Reading Lab. That meant just about everything in the cupboards had to go. Please understand that three years ago when I arrived, ALL of my cupboards and cabinets were full. Some of it was useful stuff, and well some of it not so much. Over three years I've weeded out some stuff, but there were still TONS of stuff in the cupboards.

Kyle and I had spend 7 hours and 20 minutes at my school the Saturday before all of this. We were able to start the sorting process of keep and give away. I then had a FREE sale in which I invited all of the staff to come see and pick up what they wanted. Some of the things included buttons, beads, math manipulatives, books on every subjects, posters, and bunches more. We had started the cleaning process, and I continued to work on it as teachers came by.

Once I got word that RSP/Reading Lab was coming, I shifted into high gear. The last activity my 4th graders did wasn't to continue watching Up, it was to move, move, move all of the textbooks and teacher books two doors down. All of that moving helped me to not think about this being the last few minutes with a bunch of wonderful kids I'm going to miss. They were excited about helping me. I was SO blessed to see these great kids helping out. Many of them were sweating by the time we were done, because walking things from room to room wasn't nearly as exciting as half jogging so that you could then get the next stack of books. Helpers, what super helpers they were.

After school I realized there were more books that needed to be moved. I recruited the help of the After School Program (ASP). They moved stuff two doors down, and then it hit me. They could use a lot of the left over supplies. They got TONS of construction paper, glue, yarn, tissue paper, and all kinds of other jazz. I can't really explain the feeling as all of this was going on. I guess the best way is to say that I had peace. Was it hard to see MY things go? Yes, part of me was sad. But another part of me knew this was God's will. A teacher friend came by as ASP continued to load up on goodies. She watched as load after load disappeared, and then she said what God wanted me to hear. "If/when you come back, God will provide what you need." I had forgotten that. I knew I was to let go, but a tiny part of me was panicking. What if I needed post it notes? What if I needed folders? What if I needed paint? What if I needed rulers? What if I needed that book on poetry? What if I needed that book on how to make puppets? What if, what if, what if? My friend's words went straight to my heart. God is my provider, and I need not worry. Those words came at just the right time. I continued to let go of my things. The cupboards are now empty. My desk is empty, except for a few things I thought the teachers might need like staplers and such. My classroom library, OH I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE BOOKS, is being moved and loaned to the 4th grader teacher next year. I am saving a few things, like posters, sheets to cover the walls, boarder, and a few of the precious supplemental books I used. I'll be sorting through my filing cabinet tomorrow and preparing files for the 4th grade teacher to use for next year. The technology teacher is going to show me the quickest way save my computer documents on an external drive next Tuesday. And then, I'll turn in my keys. A precious chapter of my life closing until God opens it again.